Counselling
Rest & Regulation - When the Challenges of Sleep Meet the Restlessness of Distress
Aug 25, 2025
Setting the Scene
It’s 3 a.m. and the room is still, but your mind isn’t. The glow of the clock feels like it’s almost mocking you as your thoughts spool into a tangled mess—unfinished emails, bills to pay, tomorrow’s meeting, that unresolved conversation, the aching uncertainty that won’t settle. Maybe you’re alone, or maybe next to you is your partner or pet - quietly snoring deep in a dreamland where you so desperately wish you could join them. Sleep feels distant, like something reserved for people without a ‘to-do list’ threatening to tip into chaos. Your body is tired, but stress waits at the edge of dawn like an uninvited guest—ready to rattle in your chest before the sun even rises. You’re not alone in that moment, even if it feels like you are.
Sleep isn’t just about closing our eyes—it’s about feeling safe enough to let go. For many, rest is complicated. It’s shaped by stress, grief, trauma, night time interruptions, and the pace of daily life. If you have ever felt like sleep is something you have to earn, or like your body won’t cooperate no matter how tired you are - you are not alone.
With that said, this post isn’t about perfection. It’s about noticing, softening, and offering yourself care in ways that feel doable.
Understanding Your Sleep Story - and the Role of your Nervous System
Sleep is personal. It’s influenced by our nervous system, our routines, and our histories. If we consider it from a trauma-informed lens we would invite curiosity and perhaps wonder…
What does sleep mean to me? What gets in the way?
Instead of chasing a “fix,” we would begin by noticing patterns. Asking ourselves
When do I feel most at ease? What helps me settle? What doesn’t?
From hear we can start to understand our sleep stories because beneath all of that, your brain is hard at work. In order to regulate sleep it is carefully orienting through two key systems:
Circadian rhythms - Your brain’s internal clock, centered in the suprachiasmatic nucleus (SCN), responds to light and dark to guide your sleep-wake cycle.¹
Sleep-wake homeostasis - This tracks how long you’ve been awake and builds pressure to sleep the longer you stay up.¹
While doing so, several brain regions play a role:¹
The hypothalamus helps regulate sleep and wakefulness.¹
The brainstem controls transitions between sleep stages.¹
The thalamus filters sensory input—quieting external noise during deep sleep, and activating during REM to fuel dreams.¹
The amygdala, which processes emotions, becomes more active during REM sleep—possibly helping us process emotional experiences.¹
Sleep isn’t passive. It’s a dynamic, restorative process - which for some can feel very busy when your brain is working to:
Consolidate memories¹˒²
Regulate mood and emotional resilience and¹˒²
Support neuroplasticity — your brain’s ability to adapt and heal¹˒²
Naming the Barriers
Sleep struggles aren’t just about screens or caffeine. They are far more dynamic than that. In fact, over simplifying why accessing rest is challenging can make us feel more alone and less resourced than if we know and understand our barriers. These barriers are often rooted in hypervigilance, grief and loss, or unprocessed stress. So let’s get into those concepts in more detail.
Hypervigilance When the nervous system is stuck in a state of high alert, rest can feel unsafe. This is especially common for those with trauma histories, anxiety, or chronic stress. The brain scans for threats—even in the quiet of night—making it difficult to relax into sleep. People may wake at the slightest sound, feel compelled to check locks or surroundings, or experience racing thoughts that won’t settle. This isn’t a failure to “calm down”—it’s a protective response that’s doing its job too well. Sleep hygiene alone often isn’t enough here; what’s needed is nervous system regulation and a sense of felt safety.
Grief or Loss Grief can be disorienting. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a major life transition, the emotional weight often surfaces at night. The quiet hours leave space for memories, regrets, and longing. Some people find themselves sleeping too much, while others can’t sleep at all. The body may feel exhausted, but the mind remains active—processing, remembering, aching. Sleep becomes a place where we are torn between the need for rest and the intensity of emotion. In these moments, rest may need to be reframed as intentional quiet, rather than sleep itself.
Unprocessed Stress Daily stressors—work pressure, caregiving, financial strain—can accumulate and spill over into the night. Even when the day ends, the body may still carry tension, and the mind may continue rehearsing conversations or anticipating tomorrow’s tasks. This kind of stress often masquerades as “just being busy,” but it can deeply impact sleep quality. Without intentional decompression, the nervous system stays activated. Over time, this can lead to chronic sleep disruption and burnout. Gentle evening rituals and boundaries around stimulation can help create space for the body to downshift.
When to Consider Support
If sleep feels consistently out of reach, it may be time to reach out. Therapies like accelerated resolution therapy, somatic work, or working with a trauma-informed counsellor can help untangle deeper pattern.
You don’t have to navigate this alone.
Naming these barriers to sleep can be the first step toward change. At Wasson Counselling & Consulting (WCC) sleep disturbances are familiar to us and we want to help. Located in Saskatoon, SK we are happy to work with you to manage the underlying concerns that are disrupting your sleep, practice self-regulation to help you find ease, and work towards creating space where you can attune to rest.
Gentle Prompts for Reflection
What kind of counsellors would we be if there wasn’t an opportunity for some reflection? Sometimes even the thought of difficult sleep is enough for us to engage in avoidance instead of some gentle reflection on how we might improve our circumstances of rest. Some of these questions might start you on the path to prioritizing your own needs to improve your sleep experience, so if you feel an openness perhaps as yourself:
What helps me feel safe enough to rest?
What beliefs do I hold about sleep and productivity?
What would it look like to offer myself rest without guilt?
Let these questions be invitations—not tasks.
Caring for Rest - Practical Ways to Access Attunement
But its 3am and I Just Want Something I Can Try… Rather than rigid rules, think of sleep support as a way to support your nervous system. Start small. One shift at a time. If you’re someone aching for more help in this way consider some of the following:
Establish a consistent sleep schedule Keeping regular sleep and wake times—even on weekends—can support your natural circadian rhythm. If your goal is a 10:30 p.m. bedtime, begin winding down by 9:30 with lower lighting and calming activities that help the body shift toward rest.
Create a soothing and safe sleep space Your environment matters. Dim lighting, familiar textures, and calming scents can signal safety to your nervous system. The bedroom doesn’t need to be perfect—it just needs to feel like a place where rest is welcomed.
Build a wind-down ritual A gentle pre-sleep routine can ease the transition from alertness to rest. This might include journaling, stretching, meditation, or simply turning off overhead lights and engaging in a quiet task.
Limit stimulation before bed Excessive input—screens, multitasking, noise—can keep the mind wired. Try turning off devices an hour before bed, and replace scrolling with a sensory-neutral task like folding laundry or light reading.
Support nervous system regulation during the day Sleep doesn’t begin at night—it’s shaped by how regulated we feel throughout the day. Step outside for morning light, move your body in a way that feels nourishing, or pause for intentional breath work when stress builds.
Practice cognitive reframing When worry arises around sleep, offer yourself new language. Instead of “I won’t be able to function,” try “Even small moments of rest help, and I will meet tomorrow with what I have.”
Use intentional breathing practices Breath is one of the most accessible tools for downregulating the nervous system. Try inhaling for four counts, holding for seven, and exhaling for eight. Even a few cycles of breath can signal safety.
Journal to externalize racing thoughts Writing down what’s taking up space internally helps reduce mental clutter. Use prompts like “What feels unresolved right now?” or “What can I release tonight?” The goal is expression—not resolution.
Try gentle movement before bed If the body feels tense or activated, slow movement can offer release. A short yoga flow, focused on the shoulders and hips, can help shift the body out of hyperarousal and into a state more conducive to rest.
Accept imperfect sleep with compassion Not every night will be easy. Have a note beside your bed that reminds you: “Rest doesn’t have to be perfect to be healing.” Let go of the idea that sleep is something to earn—it’s something you’re allowed to receive.
Final Thoughts
You deserve rest. Not because you’ve earned it, but because you’re human. Sleep is as necessary as daily activity and is the foundation we need to be able to walk through each day. Sleep isn’t something we earn by doing enough, achieving enough, or keeping everything together. It’s a basic need—one that belongs to you simply because you exist. And yet, many people carry the burden of sleep guilt: the pressure to perform rest perfectly, to wake feeling refreshed and productive, to prove they’re coping well. These pressures are deeply ingrained, often tied to systems and beliefs that prioritize output over wellbeing.
You are allowed to rest even when your life feels messy. You’re allowed to rest even when things are unresolved. Sleep doesn’t ask you to be healed, sorted, or in control. It simply invites you to arrive as you are.
If tonight feels heavy, try one small act of care. Take 5 minutes to do some mindfulness. Listen to a podcast. Step outside. Put your phone down a little earlier. These aren’t fixes—they’re attunement to rest. Perhaps, over time, they can become anchors.
Warmly,
Erin
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References:
National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke. (2020). Brain basics: Understanding sleep. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Institutes of Health. https://www.ninds.nih.gov/health-information/public-education/brain-basics/brain-basics-understanding-sleep
Hale, L. (2021, February 22). What happens in the brain when you sleep. Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-happens-in-the-brain-when-you-sleep
