You know that moment when you finally sit down after a long day, glance at the untouched yoga mat that you meant to take to yoga in the park by the Victoria Bridge. Then you think, “I really should’ve gone for that walk”? along the Meewasin trail at noon. Then without fail you get a notification that your gym membership has renewed for another month, when you haven’t darkened their door since early spring. Maybe you skipped journaling again, or forgot to drink water until 3 p.m and realize your uneaten lunch is still in the work fridge. It’s easy to feel like you’re failing at self-care, especially when social media is full of colour-coded planners, Sunday meal prepping, and smoothie bowls. Here’s the thing, being “bad” at self-care doesn’t mean you’re doing life wrong. In fact, the pressure to get it right might be part of the problem.

Self-care is frequently portrayed as a personal responsibility, a matter of individual discipline and motivation. When individuals fail to engage in self-care practices, the prevailing assumption is that they lack commitment or awareness. However, many people feel guilty or ashamed about their perceived shortcomings in this area.

Drawing from clinical insights and systems theory, this article explores why individuals often struggle with self-care, how unhealthy environments contribute to this struggle, and the role of the nervous system in mediating these responses.

The Myth of Self-Care as a Personal Failing

The dominant narrative around self-care suggests that individuals should be able to maintain wellness practices regardless of their circumstances. This framing overlooks the complex interplay between environmental stressors, systemic constraints, and nervous system regulation. In clinical settings, clients frequently express frustration at their inability to engage in self-care. However, when this frustration is redirected towards ourselves, it misses a key feature of why accessing care and rest is so difficult. More specifically, this kind of response (frustration, shame, or dismay) is more likely a reflection of the adaptation we’ve had to make to chronic stress and systemic limitations as opposed to some kind of character flaw, moral failure, or poor use of time.

Research indicates that self-care is not a matter of personal choice but is deeply influenced by external conditions and internal states [1].

Common Barriers to Self-Care

Several well-documented barriers inhibit consistent self-care and if you see yourself reflected here, know that you are not alone. Some of the most notable barriers include:

• Time scarcity - Individuals with caregiving responsibilities or demanding jobs often report insufficient time for self-care activities [2].

• Emotional exhaustion - Chronic stress and burnout diminish the emotional and cognitive resources necessary for initiating and sustaining self-care behaviors [3].

• Internalized beliefs - Cultural messages that equate self-care with selfishness can create psychological resistance to prioritizing personal needs [4].

• Lack of support - Without adequate social or institutional support, self-care becomes logistically difficult. For example, single parents without access to childcare face significant obstacles [5].

• Mental health challenges - Depression, anxiety, and trauma impair executive functioning and motivation, making self-care more difficult to initiate and maintain [6].

These barriers are not isolated, they are embedded within broader systems that shape our individual behavior and perception. For these reasons, we may experience disproportionate barriers to self-care that our peers, other family members, or other people within our social stratosphere do not experience in the same way. This is why the old adage ‘comparison is the thief of joy” applies. Often we are not comparing apples to apples (or even apples to oranges). It may be more likely, and please excuse me while I over-extend this metaphor, that we are comparing apples to elephants - there really is no comparison. The barriers are so substantial in nature that to hold our lives up against the life of someone we know really just further drives our feelings of inadequacy or shame, rather than taking into account the realities of our lives.

The Role of Unhealthy Systems

Beyond the barrier, it is important to note that self-care is not practiced in isolation. It is influenced by the systems in which individuals live and work. When these systems are unhealthy, they constrain the capacity for self-care. Some common examples include:

• Workplace cultures that valorize overwork discourage rest and recovery. Employees may fear being perceived as uncommitted if they take time off or set boundaries.

• Family systems may reinforce roles that prioritize caregiving over self-nurturance. In families affected by intergenerational trauma, self-care may be viewed as indulgent or unnecessary [7].

• Socioeconomic systems limit access to resources such as nutritious food, healthcare, and leisure time. These constraints disproportionately affect marginalized and systemically excluded populations [8].

• Cultural systems may stigmatize emotional expression, making it difficult for individuals to acknowledge their needs or seek support [9].

In these contexts, neglecting self-care becomes a survival strategy. Individuals adapt by suppressing their needs or dissociating from their bodies. Over time, this adaptation becomes normalized, and the absence of self-care no longer registers as problematic.

Nervous System Responses in Unhealthy Environments

The autonomic nervous system (ANS) plays a central role in how individuals respond to stress and regulate behavior. In environments characterized by chronic stress or threat, the ANS shifts into a survival state, affecting the capacity for self-care.

• Sympathetic activation - High-stress environments trigger the sympathetic branch of the ANS, leading to increased heart rate, muscle tension, and vigilance. Chronic activation results in anxiety and burnout, making restorative practices feel inaccessible [10].

• Dorsal vagal shutdown - When stress becomes overwhelming, the nervous system may enter a dorsal vagal state characterized by immobilization and numbness. This “freeze” response is common among individuals with trauma histories and impairs motivation for even basic self-care tasks [11].

• Neuroception and safety - Polyvagal theory posits that the nervous system continuously scans for cues of safety or danger. In unsafe environments, the nervous system remains in a defensive state, inhibiting rest and connection [12].

These physiological responses are involuntary and reflect the body’s attempt to protect itself. They also shape how individuals experience and engage with self-care.

Everyday Examples of Nervous System Dysregulation

Consider the following dynamics for a better grounding based on real life examples.

• A teacher working in an under-resourced school may experience chronic sympathetic activation due to behavioral management and administrative pressures. Upon returning home, she may find it difficult to relax or engage in restorative practices.

• A single parent juggling multiple jobs may experience dorsal vagal shutdown. Emotional numbness and exhaustion lead him to disengage from self-care, not out of laziness but as a physiological response to chronic stress.

• A young adult living in a conflict-ridden household may struggle to establish routines. Their nervous system, attuned to unpredictability, resists the vulnerability required for self-care.

In each case, the difficulty with self-care is not a personal failing but a response to environmental and physiological conditions.

Reframing Self-Care in Context

Understanding the systemic and physiological barriers to self-care allows for a more compassionate and realistic approach. It is incredibly important to recognize the influence of environment on behaviour and then begin to develop language to describe nervous system states. If we lack the capacity to self-assess our capacity or even notice and describe our experiences, it is nearly impossible to then be able to identify what forms of nourishment or self-are we need. Its only once we have the ability to attend to ourselves and give voice to what is happening for us that we can then begin to identify accessible forms of self-care that align with current capacity. Additionally, when we are overextended, or systemically excluded we often lack the energy and safety necessary to advocate for systemic changes that support well-being. Self-care should be reframed not as a set of idealized practices but as any action that supports regulation, connection, and agency.

Moving Toward Sustainable Self-Care

Sustainable self-care requires supportive environments. This is an article in and of itself, but as a nod to what would be useful and protective, some examples of these supportive environments should include:

• Workplaces that respect boundaries and provide mental health resources

• Families that model and affirm self-nurturance

• Communities that foster inclusion and access to care

• Policies that address structural inequities

At WCC we believe that therapeutic work should validate the constraints clients face while exploring what is possible within those constraints. Small, consistent actions, support with identification of barriers and advocacy, can help to build capacity over time.

Final thoughts

By understanding the barriers to self-care, the impact of unhealthy systems, and the role of the nervous system, we can move toward a more systemic and compassionate model of wellness. Self-care is not a luxury. It is a necessity. But it must be supported by the systems in which individuals live and the bodies through which they experience the world.

Struggling with self-care in Saskatoon or across Saskatchewan? Wasson Counselling and Consulting offers trauma-informed counselling that helps you understand your nervous system and build sustainable wellness practices. We validate the real barriers you may face while exploring what's possible.

Book a Consultation Today or Learn More About our Services

Warmly,

Erin

—

References

[1] S. Barber et al., “Drivers and barriers to promoting self-care in individuals living with multiple long-term health conditions,” BMC Public Health, vol. 25, no. 884, Mar. 2025. https://bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12889-025-21737-0

[2] D. Crisp and M. Bartels, “Barriers to self-care and seeking help among mental health professionals and trainees,” Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 2025. https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2026-26674-001.html

[3] T. McFayden, “Selflessly Selfish: Barriers and Recommendations for Self-Care,” PCSAS Newsletter, Virginia Tech, 2025. https://pcsas.org/newsletter/selflessly-selfish-barriers-and-recommendations-for-self-care/

[4] C. Baker and L. Gabriel, “Exploring how therapists engage in self-care in times of personal distress,” British Journal of Guidance & Counselling, vol. 49, no. 3, pp. 435–444, 2021. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/03069885.2021.1885010

[5] “6.1: Barriers to Self-Care,” Social Sci LibreTexts, Trinity Christian College. https://socialsci.libretexts.org/Courses/Trinity_Christian_College/Self-Care_for_Counselors/06%3A_Overcoming_Resistance_to_Practicing_Self-Care/6.01%3A_Barriers_to_Self-Care

[6] A. Bachert, “Yes, a Dysregulated Nervous System Can Affect Mental Health,” Charlie Health, May 2024. https://www.charliehealth.com/post/dysregulated-nervous-system

[7] D. Dana, Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory, Unyte Integrated Listening, 2024. https://integratedlistening.com/blog/12-polyvagal-theory-books-to-add-to-your-provider-toolkit/

[8] “Nervous System Dysregulation: Signs, Causes, Treatment,” Healthline, 2023. https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/what-is-nervous-system-dysregulation

[9] A. Tanasugarn, “The Health Risks of a Dysregulated Nervous System,” Psychology Today, Nov. 2022. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-ptsd/202211/the-health-risks-dysregulated-nervous-system

[10] J. Sutton, “18 Polyvagal Theory & How to Use the Exercises in Therapy,” Positive Psychology, Apr. 2025. https://positivepsychology.com/polyvagal-theory/

[11] L. Passaler, “Top 12 Signs of a Dysregulated Nervous System,” Heal Your Nervous System, Jun. 2025. https://healyournervoussystem.com/top-10-signs-of-a-dysregulated-nervous-system/

[12] “What is Polyvagal Theory?,” Polyvagal Institute, 2025. https://www.polyvagalinstitute.org/whatispolyvagaltheory