After many years of supporting couples, the stories they share when they first walk into the counselling office often follow a familiar pattern. Yet, as with many pieces I write, it was an unexpected sidebar conversation with an old high school friend, this time while holiday shopping, that helped shape this article and draw my attention to the type of information couples thinking about counselling really need.

So here’s the familiar story.

One partner suggests that counselling might help them both (usually during or after a high-stakes conflict of some kind). The other sits frozen, their stress-levels rising with the thought of walking into a room where every flaw might be exposed. Often their greatest fear is that the counsellor will turn the spotlight on them, making them the focus of the problems in the relationship, assigning blame for all of the couple’s conflict. This worry is common, but it misrepresents what couples counselling truly is.

Counselling is not about fault‑finding; it is about creating a balanced, supportive space where both partners are heard and the relationship itself becomes the focus of growth and healing.

However, couples counselling is often misunderstood as something reserved for relationships in crisis, yet research shows it is far more than a last resort. It is a proactive investment in relational wellbeing, a way for partners to strengthen their bond, improve communication, and build resilience against life’s inevitable challenges. As Lebow and Snyder (2022) explain, “Couple therapy comprises the widely accepted method for reducing relationship distress and enhancing relationship quality.”

In Saskatoon and across Saskatchewan, couples face unique pressures shaped by community ties, cultural expectations, and the realities of balancing work, family, and rural or urban living. Understanding why couples seek counselling and what prevents them from accessing it helps us see therapy not as a sign of weakness, but as a pathway to healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Let’s explore some of the reasons why couples seek counselling, along with hypothetical couple’s scenarios to help bridge each example.

Author’s Note: All couples scenarios presented in this article are entirely hypothetical and drawn solely from the author’s imagination. They do not reflect any current or former clients. Using real client experiences in this way would be unethical. These fictional examples have been created to add depth and clarity to the content. Names, situations, and outcomes are fabricated for illustrative purposes only.

Why Couples in Saskatchewan Seek Counselling

Communication Challenges

Communication challenges are often the first cracks couples notice in their relationship. What begins as small misunderstandings can gradually evolve into entrenched patterns of defensiveness, criticism, or withdrawal. Many couples balance busy work schedules with family and community commitments, the stress of daily life can amplify these difficulties. When partners feel unheard or misunderstood, resentment builds, and conversations that should foster closeness instead become battlegrounds.

Counselling provides a structured environment where couples can slow down and learn to truly listen to one another. Techniques such as reflective listening, exploration into root challenges or value differences, and conflict de‑escalation strategies help partners express needs without blame. Exploring these pieces and skills not only reduces conflict but also increase empathy and trust. For couples in Saskatoon or rural communities, where social networks may be tight‑knit, therapy offers a confidential space to explore issues without fear of judgment.

Let’s explore a hypothetical couple scenario. Emma and Pat, together eight years, found themselves locked in cycles of defensiveness. Emma felt unheard when discussing household responsibilities, while Pat perceived her concerns as criticism. Counselling introduced reflective listening, role definition, deeper attunement, and constructive communication strategies, helping them reduce conflict and rebuild trust. Their experience illustrates how counselling can transform everyday frustrations into opportunities for deeper connection, linking communication skills to broader relational wellbeing.

Life Transitions

Life transitions are another common reason couples seek counselling. Whether it is the arrival of a child, retirement, or relocation, these changes often disrupt established routines and expectations. In Saskatchewan, transitions can be especially pronounced for couples moving between rural and urban settings, or adjusting to seasonal work patterns in industries like agriculture or mining. These shifts can strain relationships as partners negotiate changing roles and responsibilities.

Counselling helps couples navigate these transitions by providing tools to manage stress, clarify expectations, and validate each other’s experiences. Rather than allowing change to create distance, couples work reframes transitions as opportunities for growth. Couples who receive support during transitions are more resilient and better able to adapt to future challenges.

Let’s explore this further with a hypothetical couple scenario. Sofia and Marcus, new parents, sought counselling after a particularly hurtful argument about caregiving roles. Through counselling they were able to access scaffolding during times of upheaval, linking communication skills to the broader challenge of adapting to new circumstances. By learning to share responsibilities, explore identity changes, and acknowledge each other’s sacrifices, they strengthened their partnership and created a healthier environment for themselves and therefore their child.

Intimacy and Connection

Intimacy is often described as the glue that holds relationships together, yet it is one of the most fragile aspects of a partnership. Emotional and physical closeness can fade over time due to stress, unresolved conflict, or simply the demands of daily life. Couples balancing work, family, and community obligations may find little time to nurture intimacy. Without intentional effort, partners can begin to feel more like roommates than romantic partners.

Counselling provides a safe space to explore vulnerabilities, desires, and fears. At Wasson Counselling & Consulting we often help couples identify barriers to intimacy, whether they are emotional wounds, physiological responses to stress, or mismatched expectations. Johnson, Bradford, and Miller (2025) emphasize that “relationship interactions are influenced by pre‑conscious physiologic processes around the perceived threat of situations.” This means intimacy challenges are not only psychological but also rooted in how our bodies respond to stress and safety.

Let’s use a hypothetical couple scenario to explore this a little further. Priya and Alex, together for 15 years, felt more like roommates than partners. They wondered if this was to be expected and whether they just had to live this way. Counselling helped them rekindle desire by creating space for vulnerability and honest conversation. Through restoring closeness, connecting the emotional work of communication with the physical and relational aspects of intimacy (and not shying from exploring what other aspects felt unsafe or needed greater attention), they could re-establish intimacy in a number of ways. For couples, this kind of support can be transformative, reminding them that intimacy is not lost but can be rebuilt with care and intention.

Financial Stress

Financial disagreements are among the most common sources of tension in relationships. In Saskatchewan, where economic realities can vary widely between urban centers like Saskatoon and rural communities, couples often face unique financial pressures. Disagreements may arise over saving versus spending, debt management, or differing priorities around lifestyle. These conflicts are rarely just about money; they often reflect deeper values, fears, developmental experiences, and hopes for the future.

Counselling helps couples uncover the meaning behind financial choices and align their values. By reframing money as a shared resource rather than a battleground, therapy reduces tension and fosters collaboration. Research consistently links financial stress with relational dissatisfaction, making counselling a protective factor against long‑term conflict.

What might this look like if we were considering a hypothetical client scenario? In this instance, Jordan wanted to save aggressively, while Taylor valued experiences like travel. Counselling helped them uncover the values beneath their financial choices and create a shared plan. Through shared planning and ownership of decisions, and after exploring the roots of their values about money, they were able to transform financial stress into an opportunity for collaboration, linking practical problem‑solving, learning about each other’s inner worlds, and creating space to deeper relational wellbeing.

Parenting Differences

Parenting is one of the most rewarding yet challenging aspects of a relationship. Differences in each parent’s own upbringing, and values around parenting can quickly escalate into conflict, especially when partners feel strongly about discipline, routines, or values. In Saskatchewan, where family and community ties are often central, disagreements about parenting can feel particularly weighty. Couples may struggle to balance their own childhood influences with modern parenting philosophies, leading to tension and resentment.

Counselling provides a space for parents to explore their beliefs, understand each other’s perspectives, and develop a unified approach. By reframing parenting as a shared project, therapy reduces conflict and strengthens the partnership. When parents align on values and strategies, children benefit from greater consistency and emotional security.

How might this look in a hypothetical client scenario? While Ethan favoured gentle parenting, Marcia leaned toward what she called ‘stricter boundaries’. Differences in the way that they perceived each other’s parenting created significant conflict and worry, along with fears for the implications for their child (by both parents). Through counselling the couple focused on childhood influences, found balance and challenged misconceptions. This gave greater space to explore the differences, similarities, and fears that underpinned each person’s approach. Couples counselling connected communication and values reframing parenting as a shared project rather than a battleground. This alignment not only strengthened the relationship but also fostered healthier family dynamics.

Healing from Betrayal

Few challenges test a relationship more than betrayal. Infidelity, broken trust, or ‘emotional affairs’ can leave deep wounds that feel impossible to heal. In Saskatchewan, where communities are often close‑knit, betrayal can carry additional layers of shame or fear of judgement. Couples may struggle to rebuild trust, or even determine if they’re able to stay together, while navigating the social consequences of disclosure.

Counselling provides a structured process to explore whether healing is possible, offering tools to rebuild safety, accountability, and connection. Therapists help couples explore not only the impacts of betrayal but the underlying issues that contributed to the boundary violations, while working toward new patterns of trust and intimacy or in the absence of repair, clarity and safety in dissolution.

From the perspective of a hypothetical client scenario this could look like, after discovering Emery’s emotional affair, Paul used counselling to rebuild trust and establish accountability. Counselling helped them move from crisis to recovery, linking betrayal repair to the broader theme of relational resilience. While betrayal is devastating, healing is possible when couples commit to the process together. Also, where repair isn’t possible, counselling offers a safe space to explore relationship dissolution with support.

Grief and Loss

Grief and loss can profoundly affect a couple’s relationship. Whether it is the death of a loved one, miscarriage, loss of a job, or another significant life change, the emotional weight of grief often disrupts communication, intimacy, and daily functioning. Partners may grieve differently, one turning inward while the other seeks connection, which can create misunderstandings and distance at a time when support is most needed. Additionally some couples may also feel pressure to ‘stay strong’ publicly, leaving little room to process grief together privately.

Counselling provides a safe environment for couples to explore their grief, validate each other’s experiences, and learn how to support one another through loss. Grief can strain relationships if left unaddressed, but couples who engage in therapy often develop greater empathy and resilience. Counsellors help partners recognize that there is no ‘right’ way to grieve, guiding them toward shared rituals, communication strategies, and coping mechanisms that honour both individual and relational needs.

To use an hypothetical client scenario, Gregory and Jennifer struggled after the death of a close family member, Jennifer withdrew emotionally while Gregory longed for closeness. Counselling helped them understand their different grieving styles and find ways to reconnect. By learning to respect each other’s processes, and find mechanisms for connection around loss, they strengthened their bond and began to heal together.

Preventative Care

Preventative care is an increasingly common reason couples seek counselling. Rather than waiting for crisis, many partners recognize the value of strengthening their relationship proactively. Couples recognize that where they are juggling demanding work schedules and family commitments, preventative counselling can offer a way to build resilience before challenges escalate.

Counselling in this context focuses on skill‑building, values exploration, and fair conflict. Bradbury and Bodenmann (2020) highlight the importance of “relationship education” as a preventative measure, equipping couples with tools to navigate future stressors. By investing in counselling early, couples create a foundation of trust and communication that supports long‑term wellbeing.

What might this look like in a hypothetical client scenario? Newly engaged Hannah and Liam attended counselling to strengthen their foundation before marriage. Exploring themes related to finances, parenting, life goals, and values in relationships. Their proactive approach demonstrated how therapy can be a form of relational fitness, connecting preventative care to long‑term wellbeing. For couples this kind of investment ensures that when challenges arise, they are equipped with the skills and resilience to face them together.

The Counsellor’s Role in Couples Therapy

Now that we’ve established some of the ways that couples counselling can support the couple, it’s a good time to address the ‘elephant in the room’ the role of a couples counsellor. Not to spoil this section entirely, but if you’re thinking it is to be judge, jury, and executioner - that is absolutely not the case.

The role of the counsellor in couples therapy is multifaceted, blending clinical expertise with relational sensitivity. Counsellors are not judges or referees; they are facilitators of dialogue and change. Their primary responsibility is to create a safe, balanced environment where both partners feel heard and respected.

Moreover, and different from individual counselling, the counsellors role is to attend to each member of the couple while the overarching responsibility is to the relationship - making the couples relationship the ‘client’.

Research highlights several core aspects of this role:

Neutrality and Balance

Counsellors work to ensure that neither partner feels singled out or blamed. Halford and Pepping (2019) stress that therapists must recognize the “reciprocal association between individual problems and couple relationship problems”, meaning that difficulties are rarely the fault of one person. (Halford, W. K., & Pepping, C. K., 2019; Bardbury, T. N., & Bodenmann, G., 2020; Capozzi, F., 2024).

Promoting Communication

Counsellors help couples develop healthier communication patterns, teaching skills such as active listening, empathy, and conflict de‑escalation. Harvard Health (2025) notes that most couples therapy “aims to reduce relationship stress and promote couple well‑being”. (Restivo, J., 2025)

Addressing Emotional and Relational Needs

Counsellors guide partners in exploring underlying emotions, unmet needs, and relational dynamics. This often involves helping couples identify patterns that perpetuate conflict and replacing them with constructive alternatives. (Johnson, L. N., Bradford, A. B., & Miller, R. B., 2025; Capozzi, F., 2024, Lebow, J. & Snyder, D. K., 2022)

Supporting Relational Wellbeing

Beyond resolving immediate conflicts, counsellors encourage long‑term relational health. Muthamsetty and Rao (2025) argue that counselling plays a critical role in “fostering healthy marital relationships and preserving family harmony”, underscoring its preventative as well as restorative function.

Integrating Individual and Relational Perspectives

Counsellors recognize that personal struggles (such as stress, anxiety, or past trauma) often influence relationship dynamics. Effective therapy addresses both the individual and the couple system simultaneously.

In practice, this means the counsellor’s role is less about “fixing” one partner and more about helping the couple work collaboratively. By guiding partners toward mutual understanding and shared responsibility, counsellors empower couples to build resilience and deepen their connection. (Karanne, D., 2024; Ley, D. J., 2024; Johnson, L. N., Bradford, A. B., & Miller, R. B., 2025; Lebow, J. & Snyder, D. K., 2022)

Barriers and Fears Preventing Couples from Accessing Counselling

Fear of Judgment

Despite the benefits, many couples hesitate to seek support because they fear being judged. Partners often worry that a counsellor will take sides, assign blame, or label their relationship as dysfunctional. This concern can be particularly strong in smaller communities, where privacy and reputation carry significant weight. Capozzi (2024) emphasizes that therapists must “share with the couple such a relational understanding of their distress” to reduce judgment fears. In practice, counsellors are trained to remain balanced, focusing on the relationship as the client rather than on one individual. By reframing therapy as a collaborative process, couples can begin to see counselling as a safe space rather than a tribunal.

Stigma Around Therapy

Therapy continues to carry stigma in many communities, where seeking professional help is sometimes viewed as an admission of failure or weakness. This stigma can discourage couples from accessing support even when they recognize the need. Lebow and Snyder (2022) observe that while therapy has become more mainstream, stigma remains a persistent barrier. In Saskatchewan, where social networks are often close‑knit, couples may fear gossip or judgement from peers. For this reason, Wasson Counselling & Consulting has expanded access to online and confidential counselling options helps reduce this barrier, but broader cultural change is also needed to normalize therapy as a proactive investment in relational wellbeing.

Vulnerability and Exposure

Opening up about private struggles can feel daunting. Couples may fear that sharing their truth will worsen conflict, expose them to shame, or highlight weaknesses they would rather keep hidden. Johnson, Bradford, and Miller (2025) highlight that physiological responses to perceived threat amplify this fear, meaning that vulnerability can feel unsafe even when logically understood as necessary. Counselling addresses this by normalizing openness and reframing vulnerability as a strength. By creating a supportive environment, counsellors help partners move past the fear of exposure and toward authentic dialogue that strengthens trust.

Belief Problems Are Not “Serious Enough”

Another common barrier is the belief that counselling is only for couples in crisis. Many partners assume that unless their relationship is on the verge of collapse, therapy is unnecessary. Bradbury and Bodenmann (2020) counter this misconception by stressing the importance of preventative interventions, noting that “relationship education” can reduce distress before it escalates.

Partner Resistance

Resistance from one partner is another significant barrier. One individual may fear blame, discomfort, or exposure, while the other feels strongly about seeking help. This imbalance can stall progress before therapy even begins. Counsellors often address this by framing therapy as a shared journey rather than a corrective measure. When counselling is presented as an opportunity for growth rather than punishment, resistance decreases. The counsellor’s role in maintaining neutrality and emphasizing collaboration is critical to overcoming this barrier. Choosing counsellors skilled in couples work is critical for this reason, which is why Wasson Counselling & Consulting maintains clinical skills and ongoing education to best support you.

Time Constraints

Busy schedules and competing responsibilities make therapy feel impractical for many couples. When work and family demands can be intense, partners may struggle to prioritize counselling. Yet research demonstrates that even brief, structured interventions can yield lasting benefits. At Wasson Counselling & Consulting flexible scheduling, online sessions, and shorter or longer therapy formats are available, making counselling more accessible to couples who feel pressed for time.

Why It’s Ill-Advised to Use One Partner’s Individual Counsellor for Couples Work

Although it may seem convenient to ask an individual counsellor to also facilitate couples therapy, clinical guidance cautions against this practice. The central issue is neutrality. An individual counsellor has already developed a therapeutic alliance with one partner, which can unintentionally bias the process when both partners are present (Ley, 2024).

Seasoned couples counsellors recognize that this creates a dual relationship, which can blur boundaries and compromise impartiality. Ley (2024) explains that when one therapist treats both an individual and the couple, it can lead to “dual relationships, triangulation, and confusion for patients.” Similarly, Koranne (2024) notes that using the same therapist for both roles can cause issues with confidentiality, trust, and boundaries.

Another concern is confidentiality. Individual therapy often involves private disclosures. If the same counsellor then facilitates couples sessions, one partner may fear that sensitive information will influence the therapist’s perspective, even if confidentiality is technically maintained (Koranne, 2024). This perception alone can erode trust and reduce the effectiveness of therapy.

Finally, the goals of individual and couples therapy differ. Individual therapy focuses on personal growth and healing, while couples therapy addresses relational dynamics. Combining these roles can dilute the focus of both, leaving neither fully effective. For this reason, most experts recommend that couples seek a separate, dedicated couples therapist who can remain neutral and focus solely on the relationship (Ley, 2024; Koranne, 2024).

To sum up, having the same therapist for couples and individual therapy can cause various issues with confidentiality, trust and boundaries. This separation ensures that both partners feel equally supported and that the relationship itself becomes the central client.

Reframing Counselling as Relational Wellbeing in Saskatchewan

Taken together, these barriers reveal that couples often avoid therapy not because they lack need, but because of misconceptions and fears. Counselling is not about proving who is right or wrong; it is about fostering relational wellbeing. As Lebow and Snyder (2022) conclude, “Couple therapy has evolved into a prominent intervention modality and coherent body of practice.”

Wasson Counselling & Consulting is working to reframe couples work as a relational process to reduce stigma and encourage couples to seek support earlier. Counselling becomes a proactive investment in communication, trust, and resilience, linking everyday struggles to long‑term relational health.Couples counselling is not about blame or judgement; it is about building stronger, healthier relationships. Research consistently shows that therapy helps partners improve communication, deepen intimacy, and navigate challenges with resilience (Bradbury & Bodenmann, 2020; Lebow & Snyder, 2022). Seeking support is an act of courage and care, not weakness.

A Message from Wasson Counselling & Consulting

At Wasson Counselling & Consulting, we believe every couple deserves the opportunity to reconnect. Whether you are facing communication struggles, adjusting to life transitions, or simply want to strengthen your connection, counselling offers a safe and supportive space to grow together.

If you and your partner are ready to invest in your relationship’s wellbeing, we invite you to reach out. Counselling is not a last resort, it is a proactive step toward a more connected, resilient future. Contact Wasson Counselling & Consulting today to begin your journey back to one another.

Warmly,

Erin